These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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