Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
