I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
