idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
