I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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