some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
