she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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