is wine microwaveable?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
