You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
