Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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