I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
