i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
