imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
