new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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