chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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