shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
