a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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