Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
40s are totally the cure
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
