Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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