first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
