just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
