oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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