Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So vagazzling was a success
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
