Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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