Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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