umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Farmville is her only friend.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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