I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
