is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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