Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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