Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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