how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
