Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
