do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
