you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
