My liver just broke up with me...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
