and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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