just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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