just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
