I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
