All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he was CRYING into my vagina
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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