you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
