just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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