You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
