just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
