i was rollin on her like bob the builder
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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