I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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