and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
