Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
