guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
