I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
