i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
