Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
