I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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